


Bronze

by Bearfeat



Series: Spectrum [20]
Category: Ghost (Swedish Band)
Genre: Existential Crises, Hangover, Infidelity?, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-01 02:57:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8604442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bearfeat/pseuds/Bearfeat
Summary: On the morning after, Chicago's head hurts, Papa's heart hurts and Omega is torn.





	1. Chapter 1

I woke up a few hours later, in an unfamiliar bed, and to the voice of someone I knew screaming at the Devil.

I squirmed, because the voice banged against my already pained skull. Why was I in pain? I tried to move my hand to my head, but my whole body felt heavy. Why did my tongue taste so fucking bitter and why was my throat burning? I squirmed again and opened my eyes. I was in a hotel room, and it seemed as though it was morning. I saw the naked back of the man who’s lips I could still feel on mine. The unmasked singer stood at the opened window, hands clasped around the frame, and screamed his heart out.

 

‘I do everything you ask of me!’ he screamed.  You _own_ me! You _own_ this body! I. Can’t. Take. It!’

The hysteria in his voice scared me. Carefully, I sat up.

‘I fucking _worship_ you! Why is it so hard to give me some damn personal guidance in return?’ He banged his fists on the window frame and grunted. I wanted to get up and find a way to calm him, but before I could move Omega stormed through the door. For some reason, he carried his mask with him. Behind him trailed a woman I had never seen before.

 

‘Enough!’ the ghoul roared. For a second, everything around us seemed completely silent. The other man turned. I could see dried up tears on his face. His eyes were red.

‘Oh. Alma.’ He said weakly.

‘We need to have a word with Emeritus, son.’ The woman said. She was very tall. Even though she spoke so calmly, her voice gave me chills. She filled the room with her presence.

‘No.’ the man, dressed in no more than his jeans, let out a small sob. Omega reached out to grab his arm.

‘No!’ he screamed. The hurt in his voice almost broke my heart. The ghoul retracted his hand, pained look on his face.

‘Son?’ Alma said. She clearly had more authority than anyone else. The singer sobbed, and hung his head. Then they left the room, Alma placing a motherly hand on his shoulder.

 

Omega stared at the door, shoulders low. He angrily threw the mask on the bed, and only then noticed me sitting there, in nothing more than my sleepshirt and some panties.

‘Hey.’ He said softly. I quickly saw the anger disappear from his face. The springs of the mattress moaned as he set himself next to me.

‘What is happening?’ my voice sounded like shit.

‘It’s alright.’ Omega touched my hair. ‘It’s alright.’

‘Is he okay?’

‘He’s been having a… personal crisis.’ Omega said softly. ‘And sometimes when he’s drunk he screams at the Devil.’

I looked at the door. He saw I wasn’t convinced, and he said it again: ‘It’s alright.’ He didn’t seem convinced either. I grabbed his hand and pressed the large, silver rings against my face. ‘Omega…’I sighed.

‘How are you feeling, sweetheart?’ he said. ‘You went a little crazy last night, didn’t you?’

 

I closed my eyes. Did he know about the kiss?

‘Are you mad?’ I whispered.

‘Mad?’

I swallowed, but the hot pain in my throat returned and I felt tears rolling down my face. I was so tired. I didn’t mean for his boyfriend to want to kiss me. I didn’t mean to get so drunk I couldn’t even remember how I got home.

‘Hey.’ He said again. ‘Hey, what is it?’ he pulled me up, a little too rough for my hangover, and pulled me into his arms. I held him tight as I felt the dizziness fade and then I sobbed loud against his shoulder. I clawed my hands in his shirt and balled them into fists.

 

‘Honey…’ he whispered. He did not attempt to free himself from my grip. I wished I could hold him tighter. The sight of his lover flashed before my eyes, naked and trembling, screaming and crying. I didn’t understand his pain, but I understood the need to scream at whatever deity. Unfortunately, I didn’t have one. I still believed in nothing, even after all that I had seen. Omega’s heartbeat was strong and steady and pulsed against my chest. He should love me, I thought as my sobbing slowly sank away. I cringed at my abominable selfishness, but I felt it was the truth. He should love _me_.

‘Leave with me.’ I said. The silence after those words hung like a weight above our heads.

‘What?’ Omega finally breathed. I let go of him just a little, so I could lean back and look him in the eye. ‘Come away with me.’ I whispered. The ghoul slowly blinked his eyes and I saw nothing but confusion in them. They closed, though, when I leaned in and softly grazed his lips with mine.

He lingered for a second, and then pulled away. ‘You threw up yesterday, you know.’ he said, ignoring my question. I slowly dropped my head back to his shoulder.

 

‘LUCIFEEEER!’ all of a sudden, Papa Emeritus kicked open the door and made us both flinch. Omega let go of me when the dark pope stormed inside. He stepped towards the open window, and started screaming at the Devil.


	2. Chapter 2

Something changed. The room got darker, as if a big cloud suddenly obscured the sun.

‘There she is!’ Emeritus screamed. ‘You fucking temptress! You fucking LIAR!’

I heard his gloves crack as he gripped the window frame tighter.

‘The Devil is a she?’ I squealed under my breath. It had left my lips before I realized how unfit a thing it was to say in such a situation. I let out a panicked giggle. Omega jumped up and snatched his mask off the bed to put it on, and he pressed the palms of his hands against his ears. Why did he cover his ears?

 

‘Yes and no’ Emeritus heaved. ‘The Devil is all, everything, everywhere. So yes, she is female, but she is also male and both and neither.’

I did the panicked giggle again, amazed at how everybody was losing their minds. I always thought that Papa was wise, in a way, but maybe the alcohol consumed by the man he inhabited got to him. Maybe The Guy’s existential crisis had somehow infected the demon inside the mask.

As I watched Papa raise his hands with a twirl of his wrists to welcome the dark, my smile dropped. I couldn’t quite place the obsessed look on his face. Maybe it was the other way around, I thought, as my skin went cold. Maybe it was the demon infecting the man.

 

Then, I heard it. I heard it inside my head. It echoed through the room, and it was so loud I had to press my hands against my ears. A voice that was both male and female, and neither.

 

‘Papa Emeritus the Third!’ I heard it roar in my head. ‘When summoning the Devil you’d think kinder words could be used.’

A pulsing sound filled the room and it went absolutely dark. I jumped up to try and get a hold of Omega, but the ghoul had moved and my hands couldn’t find him. Disoriented, I sat back on the bed.

 

‘Emeritus!’ the voice screeched again. I clawed my hands in the sheets.

‘My lord!’ Papa’s voice sounded as though he was coming from miles away. He sounded a little nervous. Humbled, maybe, by the booming voice. Still, he continued his tirade.

‘If kind words would have worked in the first place, it didn’t have to come to this.’ He said bravely. ‘I’ve been calling out to you for months. It’s like you made me and then disappeared. Where were you when I needed you?’ the panic returned to his voice. ‘How the fuck am I supposed to spread your gospel if I don’t feel you anymore?’

The pulsing sound and the darkness got more intense and Papa’s voice got muffled by the thick air.

‘I know your faith is strong, my son.’ She silenced him. The voice was cold and dark. ‘You cannot deny your own existence.’ The sound of Papa’s voice was gone. ‘So I take it you feel anger towards me.’

For a couple of moments, in which I heard nothing more than my own heartbeat in my ears, the room was so silent I was afraid the thundering voice had taken my Papa and my ghoul away from me, and into the fiery pit of hell.

 

‘I feel betrayed.’ Papa finally whispered. The words echoed, and died in the silence of the room.

‘You are weak!’ I heard the voice scoff at him. I grabbed the sheets tighter. ‘Emeritus the Second never begged me to hold his hand! What made you act like this, Three? What weakened you? What is that reduced you to nothing more than a whimpering, begging-’

 

‘Papa…’ I heard the soft voice from Omega in the distance.

 

Papa gasped. ‘No!’ he said, as the pulsing sound got louder and louder. ‘NO!’ My hands clenched into the sheets as the ghoul extorted an ear-shattering grunt and Papa screamed.

‘What the fuck is happening?’ I wanted to yell, but my throat had gone completely dry. Somehow I had fallen witness to a man’s crumbling beliefs and a visit from… a visit from the…

I crawled back under the blankets and pressed my eyes shut. What if I just labeled this nightmare number two and decided to wake up?

‘Leave him out of it!’ I heard Papa’s voice again. I held my breath. If I would stop hearing them, and just pushed their voices out of my brain, I would soon wake up.

 

‘You look good, Quintessence.’ The Devil said. ‘I see you’ve really grown to… _like_ your Papa.’ She paused for dramatic effect. In the distance, I could hear him huff painfully. ‘Nothing like a loyal little ghoul!’

His muffled sounds told me she restrained his voice the same way she did mine. I slowly opened my eyes at the realization that the room hadn’t gone dark. The Devil was blinding me.

 

 

 

She chuckled. ‘Brave little ghoul. Sweet one. I’d like to once more persuade you to be mine completely.’ The voice still roared through the room, but the volume was slowly becoming more bearable.

‘Think about it, Quintessence. You’d be the most admired musician this world has ever known. And it’ll take nothing. Just a small _adjustment_ to the mask? A little more _me_ and a little less _you_.’

‘No.’ It sounded weak, but Omega definitely answered. The Devil clicked her tongue.

‘One day, my dear ghoul.’ Another laugh. ‘But I admire you playing hard to get.’

 

‘And what is this?’ I felt how the voice of the Devil was directed towards me and I shot upright. A vacuum formed around me, pulling my soul outward, until it edged against the outermost layer of my skin. When I tried to scream, no more than a weak grunt passed my lips. Slowly, she lifted me off the bed. Emeritus answered.

‘You leave her alone.’ He said. In the distance I heard a faint struggle of the restrained ghoul.

The Devil snickered. ‘Your precious _Ghouleh_.’ She said. ‘So far away from home.’ The way she named me made every hair on my body stand on end. And then another sensation came over me: one of fright so deep it surpassed every other fear in my body: the fear of blindness, the fear of being lost in another world. The Devil knew who I was. The Devil was here, knew I didn’t belong here and was pissed off. I felt it in the way she slowly ripped my soul away. Hot tears pricked in the corner of my eyes. How did I get here? How the _fuck_ did I get here? I felt her awesome power even more when Papa’s voice faded to the background, and echoed in the distance, as if we were standing on opposite sides of a large, empty hall.

 

‘She is so ordinary, Emeritus. I thought your taste was a bit more… refined?’ Papa’s voice echoed an answer, but the Devil interrupted him. ‘No, no. I understand she has some tricks up her sleeve. I can see she looks alright. Average intelligence. Amusing after one or two drinks.’ The blood seared hot through my veins as she stripped me down. ‘Kind enough. A bit lonely, which makes her interesting.’ A sharp tightening in my throat. ‘Ah! She can sing, this one! You never asked her to sing for you, Emeritus, but you should!’ The Devil clawed at my throat until I gagged.

 

She dropped me. I fell to the ground, landing hard on my knees and falling over like a ragdoll. My body started to learn how to move on itself again, but I still couldn’t see or speak. I stumbled to my hands and knees, afraid I would fall over if I would try to stand. Emeritus’ voice was near me again.

‘She needed to be ordinary.’ He said.

It took a while before his words seeped through the thick fog in my brain. _She needed to be ordinary._

‘It was a requisite.’


	3. Chapter 3

I sat there on all fours, panting and trying to think back in time. When was it exactly I got stuck in this situation? When I joined the tour? When I fell in love? Where was Omega, and was he okay?

Papa placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, but it felt like my skin practically boiled where he touched me and I screamed. He hastily pulled back.

‘Stop fucking doing that!’ he yelled. ‘Leave her out of this!’

‘If you wanted to protect her, you never should have brought her in in the first place!’ the Devil roared.

The heat moved to my throat and I stopped screaming, but the pain made me collapse again. It felt like daggers were stung in me. It felt like actual flames were licking my skin.

‘Fucking stop that!’ I heard Emeritus’ panicked voice in the distance. ‘This has nothing to do with my love for you! She was never meant for _me_!’

 

I felt a click in my head, as if someone had paused the scene.

The searing heat disappeared from my body. As it left through the tips of my fingers, and I breathed out the last poisonous breath, I realized I could see. We were still in the hotel room and the pulsing sound had gone. I checked my body, and noticed I was unharmed. I blinked and swallowed and I urged my eyes to adjust. When I looked up, I could hazily see Omega across the room, pressed flat against the wall. Through his mask his eyes were burning with an intensity I had never seen. He strained, but was obviously helpless in the Devil’s grip.

Finally, I saw Papa, kneeling in front of me. But he wasn’t checking if I was alright. He was facing the figure on the other side of the room, looking down on us.

 

The Devil was beautiful, literally breathtaking. She had taken on a from that was androgynous, muscular. I couldn’t look right at her, but Emeritus’ pleading eyes were right on hers.

‘I knew when I made you, you wouldn’t be as strong as your predecessor.’ The Devil spoke. Her lips did not move, but I heard her in my head. ‘A lack of judgement on my behalf.’

‘I never broke any of my vows-’

‘But you _did_!’ the air around us seared. The sharp smell of sulfur filled my nose.

‘Your only task here on earth was to spread my word, your only purpose to carry in your heart no greater love for anyone above _me_.’

‘I never-’

‘Now who is the liar?’ she roared. ‘Do you want to know why you’re distraught? Do you want to know what makes your heart _ache_ so? I can _see_ it, Emeritus the Third!’ she pointed at me. ‘If she wasn’t so ordinary, _he_ never would have wanted her. Had she been a beauty queen, _he_ never even would have looked at her twice.’ Still hazy from the fading pain in my system, I tried to comprehend all this. Why was the Devil still talking about me? Why was I even in the room to begin with?

 

‘While you were out there finding this perfect little thing to distract Quintessence from his lusting after you, you failed to notice what was going on in here.’ Suddenly, the Devil lunged forward and probed her finger in Emeritus’ chest. He threw his head back and his mouth opened in a silent scream, as smoke rose up from where she touched him. Omega squirmed against the wall.

‘You didn’t know about the man you inhabit, did you? _He_ didn’t tell you.’ without looking, she pointed at the ghoul, over her shoulder. ‘Your great love let you in the dark.’

Papa’s whole body in front of me shook and his fingers were cramped up into claws. When the Devil pulled back her hand, he loudly grasped for air. Her finger again pointed in my direction.

‘She loves him, so that, you did well.’ Without pulling her gaze away from Emeritus, her finger went towards Omega. ‘But he, your precious, precious ghoul… he only loves-’ she snapped her hand back and touched him in the same spot as before. Papa grunted in agony. 'He only cares for what is in there, Emeritus. For what is hidden under you. For that voice you strut around with. For what is left when _you_ are stripped away.'

The temperature in the room rose, as the Devil and Papa Emeritus looked at each other, the latter clearly in pain, but unwilling to look away.

 

‘Omega…’ he managed to squeeze from his throat.

‘Yes, Omega!’ the Devil snapped her fingers and the ghoul came plunging through the room, landing on his knees next to Emeritus. He made sounds as if he were chocking, raising his hands up to his throat. He was fighting an invisible hand that was cutting off his breath. I yelped and reached out for him, but when I touched his shoulder he squirmed in pain and I screamed as I pulled back my burned fingers.

‘Why don’t you explain to your Papa how your loyalty has shifted?’ the Devil boasted, one finger still probed in Papa’s chest. The ghoul gasped and chocked, kicking his legs in her direction. ‘Explain to him where your heart really lies.’ She chuckled. Then she waved her hand, and Omega flew across the room, grunting loudly as he hit the wall. His legs gave and he slid down, gasping for air, finally released from the chocking force.

 

Her full attention returned to Papa.

‘Enough of this.’ Her tone was in no way playful anymore, her finger still burning Emeritus’ chest. ‘The next time you decide to curse me, think about who really is to blame for your problems.’ She moved her claw away from Papa and kneeled before the heaving man. The temperature dropped, and Emeritus fell to the floor, panting. He shivered. I heard a sob coming from his throat. The Devil spread her arms and Papa let his head fall to her shoulder. He was crying. ‘My son…’ she whispered. She slowly rocked him from side to side. ‘My beautiful son.’ Papa shook and stuttered, but the Devil silenced him.

 

‘I am merciful. And you are a fool. Being foolish is not unforgivable. You are allowed to stay here, and fulfill your time with your ghouls.’ She held him at arm’s length. ‘But beware, my love. I did not make you as weak as you showed yourself today. I expect none of this in the future.’ She stood up, letting him fall to the ground in a sobbing mess.

 

The Devil looked around the room, fire in her eyes. Her gaze probed Omega. The ghoul bravely stared back. Then, slowly, the vision of her faded away. The smell of sulfur disappeared. Light filled the room, and the temperature dropped to a human level. Omega and I looked at each other, the two of us in different stages of dismay. Slowly, we heard the sounds from the street outside return.


	4. Chapter 4

Omega was the first one to move. He got to his knees and elbows and dragged his pained body over to Papa. The man lay in feudal position, as silent tears ran down his cheeks. In their short track, the tears had resolved some of the black and white paint and left stripes of the skin-colored mask underneath. I had never seen the paint come off. Not during passionate kissing, not when I placed my sweaty forehead against his when we were riding each other into a shared orgasm. But now it did. My heart ached seeing him like this.

 

Omega touched his shoulder, and Papa weakly rolled to his back, his limbs heavy. Omega carefully reached out and attempted to wipe some of the tears away, then looked at the smudged paint on his fingers.

‘Papa, I am so sorry.’ He said, his voice nearly breaking. Papa swallowed and closed his eyes. The ghoul trailed his hands down, undoing some of the buttons of Papa’s costume. When he bared his chest, we saw no wounds, no blisters. The Devil had left him unharmed too. His body, at least. When Omega pulled away, Papa lifted his hand and clinched his wrist.

 

‘When you were gone,’ he said softly, ‘when I thought you had left the tour, I was so lost.’ He closed his eyes, and two tears rolled down his face. ‘I am lost again.’

With his free hand, Omega took off his mask. His face looked as pale as the alabaster wall behind him.

‘I am sorry.’ The ghoul said again, and he placed Papa’s hand over his heart. ‘But please don’t believe every word the Devil said tonight. Please don’t believe that I do not love you.’

Papa’s red and teary eyes looked up at him. ‘I love you very much.’ Omega whispered.

 

‘I…’ I managed to wring from my sore throat. The men looked up at me as I shuffled closer. I didn’t care anymore that they were having a moment. For so long I thought that I had this beautiful position of being a fly on the wall, but today I had learned that this concerned me. _Me_. And I could just stay seated, not being loved or even regarded, but I decided not to. Look where it had brought us.

I took Papa’s other gloved hand and kissed it. ‘I love you too, Papa. Very much.’

 

‘Oh, my darling one.’ He sighed, as he weakly raised his hand to touch my face. I grabbed it again and clenched it in mine.

‘But…’ I said, and my voice started shaking, ‘you used me.’ I felt myself tearing up too, but I didn’t care. ‘You recruited me… to… to fall in love with him…’ I looked up at Omega, but his eyes, blue and ferocious like ocean rain, pierced my soul and I had to avert my gaze.

‘And I did.’ I said, feeling hot tears finally rolling from my eyes. Then my voice broke. ‘And it hurts.’

 

I placed another kiss on the back of his hand, and then I stood up, legs shaking. I couldn’t even look at Omega when I turned around and headed for the door.

‘Where are you going?’ I heard my ghoul say. I came to a halt, hand on the door handle. I was very aware that I was only wearing a shirt and underpants, but it seemed the most trivial thing about my departure.

I didn’t know. ‘Home.’ I said, but it sounded like a question.

 

‘Please stop.’ I heard Papa say. My hand trembled on the handle. Then I pushed it down, and pulled the door open. I didn’t need his pity.

‘No!’ the authority in his voice made me look back. Papa had crawled to his feet and Omega stood behind him, making sure he wouldn’t fall. Papa grinded his teeth.

‘Everybody needs to _stop_. Fucking. Leaving!’

He wiped his nose with his sleeve, leaving black and white paint on the fabric. Then he raised both arms.

‘Please.’

 

‘Do you want me to stay?’ I said softly as I looked down at my feet. There were some remains of nail polish on them. I remembered painting them, and it felt so long ago. Nobody had to ask to whom I was talking.

 

‘Please.’ Omega said. When I looked up I saw the two of them, shoulders low, looking exactly as beaten up as I felt. With a kick of my heel the door behind me closed again.


End file.
